“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
― Marilyn Monroe
Am I the only one who tends to act out events you wish would happen (or potentially could happen) and react to them as if it were really happening?
I’ll admit, I just had one of those moments. I pretended like my ex came back into my life to try to get me back, at the most awkward time ever. My reaction: I pushed him away and let him have it. I threw out all the anger that I’ve had inside all this time and just let it all out. I told him how I felt, how hard I tried to keep him, how bad he made me feel about myself, but he chose to say cruel things to me and walk away. I told him that he did not have any right whatsoever to come back into my life and make me feel guilty for not wanting him back, for liking someone else.
Acting all this out even brought up the memories and feelings I had been denying to myself for so long, like one of the most hurtful things I endured, the worthlessness that I felt about myself, and how I was so depressed and miserable, I thought about committing suicide. Thinking about all this made me cry, not because I still feel that way, but the complete opposite actually. I don’t see how I could have ever let myself get that way.
I look at myself now compared to then, and I am a completely different girl. I know my self worth, and what I deserve, and I will not accept anything less. I know who I am, inside and out, and I know that God has so much to offer and show me.
Having this emotional moment was a real eye opener. I’ve not only grown, but I think I’m at peace now, finally. I can’t say I’m not angry anymore because I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t care. I’ve accepted what happened. I’ve accepted the pain, and I accepted the change. I don’t think of him anymore because that was so long ago. It was only the end of October that I dealt with him for the last time, but that seems so long ago for me because I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve changed, and I’ve done so much since then, and met so many new people.
Things do happen for a reason. People change (or in some instances, show you their true colors) so that you can learn to let them go when they’re not the right one. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right and you don’t accept anything less. You believe lies so you eventually can decipher the truth, and learn to not believe everything you hear. And sometimes things you thought were good fall apart so you can see that they were really bad, and let better things fall together.
Right now, better things are falling together.
and I could not be any happier!
Goodnight loves,
~Anya
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